Pure Gluttony: The Dog's Bollocks

It might seem trivial to write about a hamburger joint, but if you ever go to Cape Town you have to visit The Dog's Bollocks for the food and entertainment value.  It's one of the two most unique hamburger emporiums we have visited in the world.

You get a dinner size garden salad within the burger

We discovered this place through the Lonely Planet guide to Cape Town.  We have found Lonely Planet guides to be less reliable in some countries, especially if they are written by younger authors.  But the Cape Town guide was written by a guy in his forties, and his recommendations have been pretty much spot on.

The word "bollocks" is British slang, and can mean several things.  It can be used to mean rubbish, i.e. B.S.  But in this case, it most likely refers to a part of the male anatomy, of which there are two.  We're not sure of the origin of the name.

The owner's name is Nigel, and he is originally from the U.K.  He is a likeable, scruffy chap in his fifties, with an easy conversational manner and great taste in music.  He makes only thirty or so burgers every night.  With enormous buns and plentiful fresh lettuce, they are each about 7 inches high.  He starts preparing the buns and fixings soon after the place opens at 5 PM.  To get in the burger queue, you write your name and burger quantity on the large chalkboard across from Nigel's open work space.

Nigel lays out all the buns in the early evening 

Your name and quantity on the chalkboard “get you in the game” 

Replay confirms that this burger is as big as Sarah’s head 

There are exactly two beverages available, other than water.  You can choose red wine or white wine, in plain unmarked bottles.  Wine by the glass is not available.  The wine is pretty good and costs $4 - $5.  The burgers are about $6 each.

The space is really cool.  It's in an alley in a borderline neighborhood at the very edge of the Gardens district.  You would never find it if you didn't already know where it was, and even then it is difficult.  The restaurant/alley area is L-shaped, and is shared with two other small restaurants.  There is a breakfast spot that serves Seattle-caliber coffee, and also has several tons of coffee sacks stored in a corner for distribution to other restaurants.  There is also a lunch-only restaurant that we did not sample.

Someone rode a motorcycle through here during dinner 

On the Friday night when we were there, Nigel was playing only blues music at an appropriately loud volume.  He hooks in his iPod with international satellite radio, and can choose from thousands of stations worldwide.  This station might have been from Chicago.

Nigel asked us where we were from, and we said Seattle.  When he asked us which neighborhood in Seattle, we had a feeling we might have a deeper connection.  It turns out that he used to own a food distribution warehouse in Ballard, where we live.  He still travels back there from time to time.

Our favorite hamburger place ever was the original Lunchbox Laboratory, near our house in Ballard.  It has since relocated to a larger space in another Seattle neighborhood, and is not quite the same.  We had to travel halfway around the world to a remote alley to find a comparable vibe, and the owner has a personal history in Ballard. It's a small world.